


Garbage Can

by Narsakiak



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Different AU’s, Drabble Collection, Drabbles, F/F, these are bad but at least they’re short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:23:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 4,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22790158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narsakiak/pseuds/Narsakiak
Summary: Shitty short stuff that you can read while pooping, waiting for tetris effect to finish downloading, questioning your life choices or waiting for  N E L L’s  new album...9: “...and raising a kid is no joke.”10: The benefits of hybridity11: The way to someone's heart...12: I love it when it rains13: Misaki (wants to fucking die) keeps drowning14: Late night phone call
Relationships: Aoba Moca/Shirasagi Chisato, Hazawa Tsugumi/Hikawa Sayo, Hikawa Hina & Hikawa Sayo, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Seta Kaoru/Shirasagi Chisato, Wakamiya Eve/Yamato Maya
Comments: 66
Kudos: 111





	1. Himari & Tsugumi(/Sayo) - The World’s Best Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> I was drunk and being a tad melodramatic when I orphaned my other shitty drabble collection... It’s basically the same: drabbles, scenes, different AUs, different relationships and characters but mainly sayotsugu, just Tsugu or just Sayo.

"Tell me  _ everything _ ! How was it?!"

"It was..." Tsugumi paused to think for a moment.

What was she supposed to tell her? That she and Sayo shared a bowl of garlic fries before their first kiss? That she stepped on Sayo’s foot? Shouldn’t she admit how awkward she felt before, during and after the kiss? Should she mention it was clumsy because they were nervous? She could reveal her nose still hurts because their noses bumped against each other...

Or she could tell Himari that none of that mattered, that she wouldn't change a single thing.

"It was really sweet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Far from the world's best fic  
> Still I can tell you this:  
> “Watch Galavant”
> 
> World’s Best Kiss - Cast of Galavant


	2. Eve(/Maya) - I Was Straight Blown Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kendo teachings?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know how I feel about this one... it’s really basic? But I just desperately need more kendo + Eve.  
> 

When Eve started practicing kendo, she soon realized that, leaving some misapprehended key elements aside, it was all about being straight. When sitting in seiza your back should be straight. When standing, keep your posture straight. Make sure that your knees are facing straight forwards. Keep your feet straight, parallel.

Just like with bushido, Eve tried to incorporate kendo teachings into her daily life.

However, there are still some areas in life where she can’t apply what she’s been learning from practicing kendo. And every time Eve looks at Maya, she’s glad not everything in life is about being straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eve vs Rui crossover kendo match, anyone?
> 
> Don’t take this one seriously, I’m still figuring out what kendo is about.
> 
> “I remember my first glimpse of her face  
> I saw you smile, then I smiled, I was straight blown away”  
> Map the Soul (Worldwide Version) - Epik High


	3. Chisato(/Kaoru) - “Who Is Chisato Shirasagi and Why Is She Significant in Your Writings?”

Chisato Shirasagi currently holds the record for most nominations in the “most inspiring death” category of the Netizens’ Best Choice Awards. Chisato is a fleetingly marvelous actress. Chii-chan has always been Kao-chan's favorite actress. Chisato Shirasagi laughs in a practiced way. Chisato's laugh is controlled and elegant. Chii-chan used to laugh a bit more freely, a bit more brightly. Chisato Shirasagi is for everyone to see, an actress that everyone’s mom and their brother recognizes. Chisato-chan is one of Kanon’s best friends. Chii-chan was Kao-chan's best friend.

When Kaoru woke up the next morning, the shorter actress had already left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last line was heavily inspired by Augusto Monterroso’s ‘The Dinosaur’. I really wanted to just write that, but I thought 13 words would be too little, even for me.  
> This was also sort of inspired by everything [TheShinySword](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheShinySword/pseuds/TheShinySword) has written that features Chisato really.
> 
> “Who is Thomas Saunders and why is he significant in your writings?” - Crywank  
> 


	4. Sayo & Hina - 당신의 조각들

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know I do, I do love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t finish my lucha libre/pro wrestling au drabble on time (“But it only needs to be 100 words long, how hard can it be?” I know, mom, I’m a failure), the only thing I have is this rushed thing. I’m well aware that this one is particularly... not good, but 03/20.
> 
> Each part happens during a different year in their lives.

“Hina, your carrots.”

“They’re not boppin’! Can you eat them for me?”

“Fine, but this is the last time.”

“Is this for me?!” 

“Yes, Tsurumaki-san mentioned you were interested in this book the last time you went to Hanasakigawa’s astronomy club.”

“Sis, I love you!”

“I-...” Sayo couldn’t finish that sentence. She knows what she wants to say, she’s been trying to say it for years now, but no matter how hard she tries, she’s never able to say it. “Here, don’t forget your umbrella, it’s still raining a bit.”

Even if she can’t say it, she hopes Hina knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 당신의 조각들 - Epik High


	5. Rinko - Loba-mujer en Hokkaido

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU where wolves didn’t go extinct in Japan and at least half of the bandori cast is a wolf or a bear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is way longer than what I originally planned. I don’t know how to feel about that...
> 
> Ever heard that 80’s rock song in Spanish called “lobo-hombre en París” (literally wolf-man in Paris)? Or read Boris Vian’s story “Le Loup-garou”? No? I just like the idea of “reverse” lycanthropy.

Rinko had heard of their kind before, wolf-like creatures that only appeared in the woods on nights with a full moon. They were bigger, faster and sometimes more violent than normal wolves. Yes, she had heard of them before but she never thought she would be bitten by one.

Rinko liked to think of herself as a polite wolf, always trying to help the other members of the pack in any way she could, despite her shyness. Of the youngest members of the pack, Ako’s sister and Ran were usually the first to start growling or the first to bare their teeth in warning whenever unknown animals entered the pack’s territory or got too close to their friends, even if they hardly had any experience hunting or fighting. They were really nice, but sometimes too hot-blooded for their own good.

Unfortunately for Rinko, her kindness proved to be her downfall.

It was during her first hunt as an active member of the hunting party that she found him. A hunched wolf-life figure trembling and whimpering in pain. Rinko didn’t recognize him as a pack member, but felt the need to check on him. She approached him.

The creature went still, the whimpering was replaced with a snarl. It was too late to escape now.

She was fast, but the creature was faster. It managed to bite her left rear leg. The young wolf howled in pain as she tore herself loose.

Ako and some of the older members of the pack rushed to her aid. They growled at it. The being snarled back, but understood it was greatly outnumbered. It walked backwards, gaze focused on the wolves. After a few meters it turned around and ran away, none of the members of the pack chased it.

  
  


A few weeks later Rinko had fully recovered from the bite, despite being a deep wound it didn’t even leave a scar. The only reminder of the attack was the worry in her best friend’s eyes whenever the pack went hunting.

On the night of the next full moon, Rinko found herself lost in the woods. Where was she? What to do? Which was the right way to go?

The wolf stopped walking, focusing on the sounds and scents of the woods. Ako couldn’t be that far away, but Rinko couldn’t perceive her scent. She closed her eyes. The wolf twitched her ears, she could hear only the sound of leaves rustling in the wind.

Rinko was completely lost.

Crack!

The sound of a branch snapping made her quickly turn around. There it was, behind a tree, the familiar silhouette of the wolf-like creature that bit her a month ago.

Her heart started pounding inside her ribcage. She ran for it, leaving a trail of black fur behind. 

She raced through the trees, scared and alone, until she could no longer hear the growling of the creature. She reached a glade with rock formation. 

Surely the pack was looking for her, right? At least Ako was, Rinko was sure of that. An idea occurred to her, she could howl to let her friend know her location. She just needed to do it from an elevated area. With a burst of newfound optimism, the wolf moved to the top of the rock formation. She did as she was once taught, took a deep breath and threw up her head, but nothing came out. Something was wrong. Rinko tried again, but this time what came out didn’t sound like a howl at all. 

She kept walking, looking for something familiar, one of Ako’s favorite cool-looking trees or that cave her friend Misaki once used as a den, anything that helped her figure out where she was. Everything looked and smelled the same.

Rinko wasn’t sure how long she’d been walking, it couldn’t be that long until dawn now. Her footsteps slowed down until they stopped. She tried moving her legs but it was useless. She couldn’t move, all energy had abandoned her. 

The cold became unbearable. 

The last thing she saw before passing out was the full moon, shining brightly in the sky.

That morning, the last thing Eve expected to find on her way to work was an unconscious young woman lying on the side of the road. A naked, unconscious, raven-haired maiden in need of help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s a debate on whether they would transform during the night or the day. I’m on the day side.
> 
> Lobo-hombre en París - La unión


	6. Chisato/Moca - Take Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chisato is a huge ass snake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw(?): snake, constriction, thoughts about killing and eating Moca (not cannibalism cause one is a basilisk).  
> I apologize to all 7? 8? fellow mocachisa shippers out there for this, I needed to try it out just once. I promise to never do it again.

Smooth and cold scales wrapped around warm and soft skin, a little tighter and the snake wouldn’t have to worry about finding something to eat anymore.

Chisato could feel the heartbeat of the girl, steady and slow now that she had passed out. Humans were so weak and fragile, so... vulgar. It would be so easy for Chisato, just a bit more pressure and Moca’s heart would give up. But was that what she really wanted? To end this quickly? To get rid of that damned lazy grin?

What was the rush? She had time, her prey wasn't going anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take Me Down - The Smashing Pumpkins  
> 


	7. Sayo(/Tsugumi) - It’s Sunday, April 19th And I Miss You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Sunday, April 19th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I’m Narsakiak and I’m obsessed with what happens after any kind of relationship (romantic, platonic, familial, etc) ends.

The complete collection of one or other old popular shoujo manga and two or three piano theory books laid forgotten somewhere on the bookshelf, left there to gather dust, out of sight but not out of mind. Innumerable bath bombs of different scents had been tucked away inside the bathroom vanity drawer. Knocked over photos of a young couple, of a Sayo and a Tsugumi that no longer existed.

Like hundreds of times before, Sayo promised herself to gather everything, put it in a box and finally throw it all away in the morning. Tomorrow, she would do it tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s Sunday, April 19th And I Miss You - Flatsound  
> Idk, I just like the title of the song and this year April 19th was on a Sunday so...


	8. Sayo/Tsugumi - Song for a Guilty Sadist/Sayo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is it condescending to be so scared I might hurt you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do people even write in the present tense? How do people even write?

“Sayo-san, we can stop if you want to,” says Tsugumi with understanding eyes. 

Sayo reaches out with a trembling hand and stops centimeters away from Tsugumi’s throat.

She takes a deep breath, which doesn’t help to calm her down. This is what Tsugumi wants, isn’t it? And she wants this too, doesn’t she? Why is it so damn hard? What if in her excitement she accidentally squeezes too hard? She would never forgive herself.

Holding hands shouldn’t be this hard!

She closes her eyes and clumsily grasps Tsugumi’s hand, their fingers interlocking.

They keep walking down the street, holding hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heavily influenced by beefueeg’s talks about Sayo being “a repressed victorian maiden”. I’m fully aware this is not repressed victorian maiden enough, I apologize. OTZ
> 
> Originally, the song made me think about aged up non-explicit consensual respectful full of love werewolf physical affection and Pyton’s wisdom on werewolf railing. Once I get over my fear of inadequacy it’s over for you, I’ll finally be able to start livi- to try writing ‘Song for a Guilty Basilisk’, aged up non-explicit consensual respectful full of love basilisk physical affection (basilisk railing), but for now it’s just hand holding… 
> 
> Song for a Guilty Sadist - Crywank


	9. Tsugumi/Sayo - Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I promise I'll do better”

Tsugumi will never forget the moment she held their kid for the first time.

They could spend countless days learning how to play the piano! Or not! If she wasn’t interested Tsugumi wouldn’t force it  on her.  But that was all she ever was decent at, wasn’t it? And what about school? She’d already forgotten the quadratic formula! How is she supposed to help her kid with  math  if she doesn’t remember the quadratic formula!?

As if having noticed  her wife’s restlessness, Sayo  placed  her hand over Tsugumi’s and gave it a little squeeze.  _ Together, _ they would do this together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sayo was definitely freaking out too btw...
> 
> Maybe I started pondering the [“promise for symbolic immortality”](https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2005-08167-004) that comes with having kids. Maybe I just got too emotional over a song and everyone’s curious cat answers and wanted to procrastinate and think about sayotsugu having kids. Who knows?
> 
> Light - Sleeping At Last


	10. Sayo/Tsugumi - 섬 (Island)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I felt so small and maybe a little pathetic  
> That’s how unattractive and shabby I felt  
> but your warmth brushed against me  
> and told me I was more than just ‘healthy’  
> As we shared a quiet smile and sad eyes,  
> you asked me, ‘What are you thinking about?’”
> 
> 섬 (Island) - Nell  
> [ (잠자리의집‘s translation)](https://mongkibijeuniseu.wordpress.com/2017/10/20/%EB%84%AC-%EC%84%AC/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is me procrastinating and failing as a student.  
> I have failed you, Majime.

Legend has it that her mother, a dragon, devoured her father, a human, but Sayo knows her mother never loved her father enough to eat him, just like her father never cared enough to stay.

“What are you thinking about?” Tsugumi looked at Sayo sleepily, her head propped against Sayo’s shoulder.

 _Enough_ , what a horrible idea that was, what an awful concept, packed in such a small, destructive word. Sayo had always hated its weight, she had never been enough before. Not dragon enough to fit in with her mother’s family, not human enough to live like her father, and not carefree enough to wreak havoc in both worlds like Hina… 

But today? Today, for the first time in her life, with her right wing shielding Tsugumi from the cold wind, her tail carefully wrapped around her girlfriend’s waist to try to keep her warm, her right pinky slightly brushing Tsugumi’s and Tsugumi’s head against her shoulder, Sayo was thankful for having been born the way she was.

Sayo smiled softly. “Nothing, I’m just… I’m glad we met.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is that how you use “having being born”? Probably not. Do I care? I do, but they’re the 3 words I needed to make this 178 words long.


	11. Sayo/Tsugumi - Sure, Everything’s Fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided against destroying myself and instead created something by toning down two extremely different ideas I had and combining them (maybe that’s why the tone of this feels weird/wrong). 
> 
> cw(?): food. I don’t think this counts as vore cause there’s nothing erotic about it nor actual consumption, so I’m still a decent member of the bandori community.

Sayo’s eyes shot open.

“Sayo-san, eat me!”

Sayo looked around her, she was currently the only customer at Hazawa Coffee. In fact, her table was the only one inside the café, placed right at the center of the establishment.

“Over here!”

The familiar voice was coming from the coffee chiffon cake in front of her.

“Sayo-san, please, eat me!” The voice repeated.

“H-Hazawa-san? What are you saying?”

“Please, there’s not much time left, I’ve worked here long enough to know that our cakes are so delicious they don’t make it to the next day…” Tsugumi paused. “If anyone’s going to eat me, I-I’d rather it be you.”

Okay, Sayo would do it. There was almost nothing Sayo wouldn’t do for Tsugumi. Her right hand was trembling. She took the fork placed on the table but before the fork touched the cake Sayo dropped it. No, no, no. Sayo couldn’t, Sayo wouldn’t, Sayo didn’t want to, but the cake (Hazawa-san?) looked criminally delicious. Carrots! Why couldn’t Tsugumi be carrots? Why did the cake version of her have to look just as lovely as normal Tsugumi? Sayo gulped down her doubts and picked up the fork again.

Sayo’s eyes shot open.

She couldn’t breathe, she was sweating, tears were running down her face. Her heart was pounding inside her rib cage and her whole body was shaking.

She felt herself being pulled into someone’s chest and noticed gentle fingers running through her hair.

"It's okay, you're safe,” a soothing and familiar voice whispered in her ear.

_Tsugumi?_

_Tsugumi!_

"B-But I- and you… cake!" 

"It was just a dream." Sayo felt her wife’s hands move from her hair to her back and how they began to gently rub her back. 

After a while, Sayo’s heart stopped racing and her breathing calmed down. She inhaled deeply, there’s something in Tsugumi’s scent that never fails to help her relax. Coffee, that’s what Tsugumi smells like, coffee. She buried her face in Tsugumi’s neck, enjoying her wife’s fluffy and soft skin.

The smell of coffee, fluffy and soft skin like a, like a...

Sayo’s eyes shot open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may not understand them completely, but I love those memes and the idea of everyone being cake.
> 
> I know I should have learned how to describe cakes to make them sound appetizing, but it’s 3am… next time and with a different kind of food perhaps.
> 
> Sure, Everything’s Fine - Dark Rooms


	12. Tsugumi/Sayo - Standing in the Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Nothing’s gonna be alright, but  
> There were the moments; where every minute and second was precious, where I missed even when I was there with you.  
> Only remember those.”  
> Standing In The Rain - Nell  
> [(Eduipe’s translation)](https://musictology.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/r/5/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my favorite bands of all time has the common practice of releasing rearranged versions of their old songs, sometimes they’re better, sometimes they’re worse, sometimes the whole mood of the song is different, and sometimes the changes are not significant enough, the wrong things get changed or the best parts get removed, which makes you wonder if another version was really necessary... but they’re their songs, they can do whatever they want with them.

The rain kept falling all around a young couple, the umbrella they shared moments ago laid forgotten on the ground, the rainwater forming puddles around it.

Tsugumi was mortified. 

Every part of her begged her to run away, the rain be damned, she was already soaking wet. Okay, maybe bowing in apology first and then running away without looking back. After being so rude it was the least she could do. Living with her aunt miles and miles from Tokyo and never coming back didn’t sound that bad, maybe she could even convince the rest of Afterglow to move with her.

Her feet didn’t move an inch, she decided to stay. Sayo deserved more than a hasty apology and being ghosted.

“It’s okay if you’re not ready. I mean, I get it, we haven’t been dating for that long.” 

She ruined it, didn’t she? 

She was too impatient, too eager and she tried to do something Sayo didn’t want, something she wasn’t ready for. She didn’t ask, she dumbly assumed.

The look in Sayo’s eyes… 

She just ruined it.

“No, that’s not it,” Sayo said, a trembling hand kept Tsugumi’s hand where it was, carefully cupping Sayo’s cheek. “It’s just...”

With her free hand, Tsugumi absent-mindedly tucked a lock of Sayo’s hair behind her ear and waited for her to say something else. Their faces were still close enough that Tsugumi could feel Sayo’s warm, shaky breath against her cold, wet skin. A feeling of dread was slowly but surely creeping up on her. She moved too fast. 

Tsugumi waited and waited, but Sayo didn’t say anything for a while. The silence made Tsugumi fret that, instead of the rain battering the ground, the only thing Sayo could hear was her heart pounding inside her rib cage. The girl was trying her best not to get fidgety, to keep the negative and frantic thoughts at bay, for at least one of them needed to be in a not so chaotic mental state. This was just so hard. When she was about to start fidgeting with her sweater’s sleeve Sayo spoke again.

“I-I want this, but it’s not… it’s not ideal.”

Tsugumi’s stomach dropped. _Oh._ She should have seen this coming, of course she was not ideal. Why would someone like Sayo want to be with her? She immediately tried to put some distance between them. 

“Wait!” Sayo’s grip on her hand tightened and, against her better judgment, the discouraged girl kept still.

“Is it because of me?” Tsugumi asked, her voice barely audible.

“What? No! It’s not that. Please refrain from thinking it’s anything like that.”

The words were clear, but the meaning didn’t register. Nervous Tsugumi usually led to rambling Tsugumi. “No, I totally get it. It’s okay. Don’t worry about it! It’s all right. We tried, but we couldn’t make it work and that’s okay. It’s fine.” A knot slowly forming on her throat and something kept burning behind her eyes. “I-I’m sure it happens all the time. It’s all my fault, I apologize.” _Way to go, Tsugumi, you managed to_ _ruin a perfectly_ _good relationship_ _in less than a_ _month._ “At least tell me we can still be fr-“

“Hazawa-san, please stop!” Sayo put both of her hands on her shoulders. Something inside Tsugumi allowed her to have a minuscule ray of hope, it couldn’t be that bad if Sayo still dared to touch her, right? “It’s definitely not you. It’s just that this is not how I planned it.”

Not what Tsugumi thought would be Sayo’s response. “Oh?”

“I didn’t want it to be in the middle of nowhere during a storm…” She paused for a moment, her brow furrowed in worry. Tsugumi could see she wanted to say more, she was trying really hard to say more. “I… I want, no, this needs to be perfect. This needs to be perfect to make up for the fact that it’s with me.”

“Sayo-san...”

Sayo dropped her gaze. “According to my research, this is an important moment in people’s youth,” she said. “Some of the people at the forum were _very_ specific about the healthy and normal emotional, and uhhh, physical, development a teenage girl should have and I don’t- I can’t be the one that mindlessly ravages your development.” She took a deep breath. “No matter how much I’ve been wanting this, I need this to be perfect, because it’s important and I don’t want to ruin it for you.” 

A sudden rush of affection left Tsugumi speechless. She didn’t know how to feel, too many things were running through her head. Some remaining anxiety from believing she was not ideal, the fact that Sayo thought she would be the one ruining it, and, most importantly, the fact that she had done some research on the topic of first kisses. Her girlfriend had thought about kissing her and cared enough about her to research the topic on some weird online forums. 

They should probably talk about what Sayo considers a reliable source of information on the topic of social interactions at one point, but for now Tsugumi’s mind decided that the only thing that mattered was how much she liked (loved?) this awfully sweet and dumb girl, and how much she wanted to experience this with her.

She carefully took Sayo’s hands and inhaled deeply to steel herself before speaking. “Sayo-san, it’s okay. It’s okay not despite it being with you, but _because_ it’s with you.”

 _Don’t think, act._

She tried again.

This time Sayo understood and anxiously leaned in too.

Their noses bumped against each other. The guitarist looked like she was ready to vomit a thousand and one apologies, but the soft laugh that escaped Tsugumi’s lips helped her calm down. 

They tried again, and this time their lips finally brushed together. It was soft, it was warm, it was everything. Tsugumi didn’t know what she was expecting, but it surpassed her wildest dreams; the feelings that ran through her whole body were something entirely new and wonderful. The kiss sent sparks that started at the base of her neck and ended at the tips of her toes. Along with the rainwater, a warm fuzzy feeling trickled down her spine.

When they parted Tsugumi could see Sayo was blushing.

“See?” Tsugumi said with a smile. “It doesn’t have to be perfect, as long as it’s with you I don’t need it to be perfect.” She felt her face imitate her girlfriend’s blush. “H-however, we can try it again, practice, only if you want to... We have our whole lives to get it right.”

Without saying anything, Sayo closed her eyes before leaning forward again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funnily enough, they haven’t released a rearranged version of ‘Standing in the Rain’.
> 
> It’s a bit meaningless without the context, I know. So let’s just imagine they do get their happily ever after and spend their whole lives together and in love.


	13. Misaki - 밀물 (Tide)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Swim, swim, swim away.  
> My dream dives into you and drowns.  
> Swim, swim, swim away.  
> My life dives into you and drowns.”  
> 밀물 - Tablo  
> [ (Cr: epikhightrans@tumblr)](https://epikhightrans.tumblr.com/post/85374998894/tablo-%EB%B0%80%EB%AC%BC-tide-scratch-by-dj-friz-click-on#_=_)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the writers of the vent and/or depressing fics I read during my early days in the bandori fandom liked to project onto Misaki… What is one more?
> 
> cw: water, mentions of drowning… idk this is not exactly about suicide (or maybe it is, I was in a bad place when I wrote this) but there’s some stuff that I suppose could be considered as suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, and (if you squint hard enough) a sprinkle of internalized homophobia.

_Maybe this time…_

It was the rain, falling softly on her face, what woke Misaki up. Before she could do anything, a violent cough fit had her doubled over as her body desperately looked for a way to let the water out. The flimsy floating piece of debris she was hugging was the only thing separating her from the sea that threatened to swallow her again.

Once she stopped coughing she rolled onto her back. She sighed, trying to get the frustration of waking up again out of her exhausted body.

Instinctively, Misaki knew she had to keep going, to hold on to the panel and keep moving until she found something or someone, until she reached somewhere. But she had wasted enough days rowing without reaching anywhere, without finding anyone. 

Hagumi, Kaoru, Kanon... Kokoro; Misaki knew her friends weren’t looking for her, just like she was no longer looking for them.

She had long accepted that there was nothing else but this. No birds, no fishes, no rescue boat trying to find her and no shore to get to; nothing existed here but the clouded sky, the rain, Misaki, the endless sea and the relentless but vain desire to let go.

Because she had let go, on multiple occasions, when the water’s screams were too loud for her to ignore, when the reality of her situation got to her, when she was too tired to fight back, sometimes even just because she was bored. No reason was too small, not when drowning was better than this, than fighting a losing war.

Letting go helped, if Misaki didn’t have the option of drowning she would have gone insane a long time ago. Drowning gave her a momentary breather, for it took her out of this empty and lonely world she’s trapped in, of the never-ending call of the water, of always being soaking wet and her tiring thoughts.

And every time Misaki let go she did it in desperate hopes that it was the last time; the time she finally failed to wake up, the time she drowned for good and left this hideous place. She needs this to stop. She wants this to end. But it never happens, Misaki wakes up —she _always_ wakes up— with water inside her lungs that she has to cough out, and a headache so intense it threatens to split her head into hundreds of pieces, splattering all of her nasty thoughts, dirty inclinations, hidden obsessions and repulsive desires all over the wooden panel that kept her afloat.

Maybe this time, maybe this time, maybe this time...

Misaki let go again.

As the water filled her lungs, a single thought flooded her mind. 

_Maybe this time it’ll work._


	14. Chisato - Why We Ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t like how this turned out, tbf I never do... but this time is worse. “Why did you post it then?” Idk. BUT I did like all the times Sumipe said “Kanon” during the most recent omori ep.
> 
> ooc I suppose, but what else is new?

The times Chisato Shirasagi was hurt and vulnerable enough to reach out to someone had been so few she could even count them with one hand. And the number of people she trusted enough to be vulnerable with? She didn't even need half of one hand to count them. 

_I miss y-_

_Can we tal-_

She stopped. Acknowledging the distance like that… no. She deleted the messages as quickly as she wrote them. She only recently learned how to ask for help, but she never truly learned how to ask for comfort directly or how to be honest about her feelings. There had to be another approach.

_There’s a new coffee shop near Komagome station that opened recently. They’re known for their peculiar coffee chiffon cakes, I’ve heard they’re to die for._

Act as if they never stopped talking, as if they were seventeen again, as if they never stopped being best friends that inevitably drifted away years ago.

Chisato’s thumb hovered over the send button. Her already weak resolve crumbled with each blink of the text cursor.

Send the text. And then? The agonizing wait. Will she see it? Will she answer? Is she gonna ignore it? Is she gonna agree to meet each other to catch up? Is she gonna refuse with an apology and an empty promise of seeing each other another time? No, no, it’s Kanon we’re talking about, Kanon would never do that. If anything, she would probably be happy (glad?). Old Kanon —the Kanon of her memories— would never do that, but this unknown Kanon might. No, she couldn’t have changed that much.

But the wait? Chisato was in no shape to wait… A call. Yes. A call would be faster, for the answer would happen almost instantly.

She hesitated once again. 

What was she supposed to say? Anything. Whatever came to mind? Improvising was never her strong suit... but is it really improvising when you've been thinking about it week after week after week? Words that one is so desperate to say but that have nowhere to go when you have no one to tell them to.

Anything, all of it, or nothing at all, Kanon would understand, wouldn’t she? Yes, she would —she always did—, she would listen and then, with her soft, warm and comforting voice, she would say what Chisato needed to hear. She would help.

Chisato hit the call button.

The phone rang only once.

“Kanon!”

Some toneless voice on the other end of the line answered, “We're sorry but the number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why We Ever - Hayley Williams
> 
> I kept thinking that the Epik High song I originally took the title from didn’t really fit. It did somehow, but not completely. The Hayley one feels a bit more fitting, not a lot mind you, just a tiny bit, but it’s still better I guess... not that it matters cause by now this is probably buried under multiple fics and the people who read this with the Epik High title aren’t ever gonna read this again, but I probably will, in two or three months. Hope you’re doing better, Narsakiak of the future.

**Author's Note:**

> To the few people that got this far, thank you for spending your time on this landfill.
> 
> [:


End file.
